Sarah Thomson – Toronto’s #1 Douche Bag (now with dreadlocks!)

Mayor Ford may be a farce, but publicity seeking Sarah Thomson is an ass all her own

***Update: The video was actually a badly sung promo for subways. Note the intro is a blurred out image of someone smoking something, meaning this was not just a publicity stunt, but a horrible, horrible one to boot. See video here. 

By: James Di Fiore

How does one begin to explain the desperation of Sarah Thomson? She ran for mayor but was never a serious contender. She shows up at political events but has yet to achieve one noteworthy accomplishment. Her publication is funded by her husband and does not generate a profit, even though she claims to have a wealth of awesome business experience; and her mayoral campaign was endorsed by Conrad Black…while he was sitting in an American jail cell.

In short, she’s addicted to the idea of being well known. She needs to be well known. The problem? There is no particular reason to know anything about Sarah Thomson.

A few months ago she accused Mayor Rob Ford of copping a feel of her boney ass at a banquet. Easy enough to believe as the mayor is a complete shit show, but coming from Thomson people were rightfully skeptical. She also has dreadlocks, which for some reason bothers the fuck out of me.

And then there’s what happened today.

Thomson used her Facebook page to announce the following.

“Women’s Post has the video.”

Now, when the mayor you accuse of grabbing your arse is embroiled in a scandal surrounding an alleged crack smoking video that nobody can find, chances are they are going to think “Holy shit, Sarah Thomson has the crack smoking video! That’s just fucking poetic! Yeah!”

And sure enough several of Sarah’s followers began to post their sheer excitement that she was in possession of the world’s most sought after video. What a saga this was turning out to be!

Only, it was complete bullshit. Thomson did not have the video in question. Instead, she tricked her sparse following into believing she had the crack video so she could dishonestly generate web traffic to her god-awful web site. She knew what she was doing, but like most attention seeking assholes her desperation trumped her common sense. Torontonians, themselves desperate for a leader who is both authentic and NOT a crackhead, will not take kindly to the ambiguous bullshit from an individual who should not be known by anyone other than her husband and therapist.

Deliciously, this silly stunt should cement her status as Toronto’s least likely person to succeed at anything. At all. Ever.

And for god’s sakes, get rid of those dreadlocks, Sarah. We know we know, you really want people to notice you, but dreadlocks are for people who understand why dreadlocks exist in the first place.

This does not mean you.